The strongest ones bleed in silence. have no one applauding their growth. have no one watching their healing process. they bloom in silence.
In French, you don’t really say “I miss you”, you say “Tu me manques” which means “You are missing from me”
It’s funny how you can forget everything except people loving you. Maybe that’s why humans find it so hard getting over love affairs. It’s not the pain they’re getting over, it’s the love.
And for my next trick…
Be aware of those who only love you when you’ve left and only give a fuck when you’re gone. Be on the lookout for those who thought you’d spend the rest of your life trying to get over them, damaged and unloveable after what they have done. Keep your eyes peeled for the people who wish loneliness and despair upon your life and those who do not applaud when you have dodged both. There are exes who will slither about your feet, hissing, reminiscing about the “good old days,” not realizing the both of you were in two different relationships. And there will be slithering exes who will only blame you for the bad days and only tell the world about your reaction and not the cause. How convenient.
And there are friends who aren’t really friends at all.
They don’t want to hear about your happiness, your triumph over bad relationships and dead end, one-sided love. They hate this happy, fully functioning you–this equally yoked, perfectly partnered you. I mean, how dare you not die! How dare you thrive without them! They will miss your sad stories and fail to find interest in your happy ones. But it won’t matter, because you are where you belong and there is no room for them anymore, anyway. They’re going to text you one day and Poof…I’m gone.
Change hurts like hell and growth is fucking uncomfortable. We often glorify ‘change’ and ‘growth’ with the majority of the focus on the end result, while we carelessly chalk the process up to mere ‘necessary struggle.’ As we’ve scaled thru the trenches and we made it on the other side. I dig it, but right now I’m in the thick of this ‘changing/growing’ phase. Therefore, the universe is sitting my ass down forcing me to do some serious internal reflection and some gut wrenching soul checking. The past few weeks I’ve experienced quite a bit of loss…in many forms. The losses have been consecutive. They’ve been sudden. They’ve been unexplainable. They’ve been uncontrollable. I wasn’t ready for them. I’m still not….
Sounds cold doesn’t it? But, it’s not. My Mom was victim of Crohns Disease. She spent so many years in & out of hospitals. So many times knocking on Death’s Door. One day while sitting at her bedside during an extra long hospital stay. I must have been looking really down. My Mom asked me what was wrong? I told her that I was tired of seeing her sick & I wonder how much more can she endure. I also told her that I don’t know what we would do of we lost her to this disease.
My Mom smile and said “When that day comes and it will. Don’t be sad. Be happy for me. Because, I will always live through you, your siblings, and my grandbabies. Besides, you all have my eyes and when you are missing me. Just look in mirror and you will see me looking back at you.”
My mom made me leave the hospital that night so I could go home and get some rest for my shift at Amoco the next day. She passed away later that night. So, while I sit here thinking about her on her 67th Birthday. I celebrate all things Yolanda Laverne Harris today. Drinking her favorite instant coffee, ate a Polish with extra mustard in her honor & looking at pictures of all my kids, nieces, & nephews. I can always say Mama was always right. Happy Birthday Mom! I love you & miss you so much.