Emotional Vampires by Judith Orloff MD

Emotional Vampires draw you in with charm, beauty, talent and pulse pounding excitement.  Then they drain you – not of blood but of every last drop of emotional energy.

Vampire 1: The Narcissist

This vampire is grandiose, self-important, attention hogging, and hungry for admiration. She is often charming and intelligent–until her guru status is threatened.

Self-defense tips: Enjoy her good qualities, but keep your expectations realistic. Because her motto is “me-first,” getting angry or stating your needs won’t phase her. To get her cooperation, show how your request satisfies her self-interest.

Vampire 2: The Victim. 

This vampire thinks the world is against him, and demands that others rescue him.

Self-defense tips: Don’t be his therapist, and don’t tell him to buck up. Limit your interactions, and don’t get involved in his self-pity.

Vampire 3: The Controller.

This vampire has an opinion about everything, thinks he knows what’s best for you, has a rigid sense of right and wrong, and needs to dominate.

Self-defense tips: Speak up and be confident. Don’t get caught up in bickering over the small stuff. Assert your needs, and then agree to disagree.

Vampire 4: The Criticizer.

This vampire feels qualified to judge you, belittle you, and bolster her own ego by making you feel small and ashamed.

Self-defense tips: Don’t take what she says personally. Address a misplaced criticism directly. Don’t get defensive. Express appreciation for what’s useful. Bounce back with a massive dose of loving-kindness.

Vampire 5: The Splitter.

This vampire may treat you like his BFF one day, and then mercilessly attack you the next day when he feels wronged. He is often a threatening rageaholic who revels in keeping others on an emotional rollercoaster.

Self-defense tips: Establish boundaries and be solution-oriented. Avoid skirmishes, refuse to take sides, and avoid eye contact when he’s raging at you. Visualize a protective shield around you when you’re being emotionally attacked.

Judith Orloff MD

Published in: on January 28, 2012 at 12:28 PM  Leave a Comment  

Come on Sons….. By Raven Cox

Today’s Guest Blogger is my girl that I’ve known for over 20 plus years. I love my Raven. She is the crazy/sexy/cool chick that every man needs in his life. You check out her blog: http://moreravennever.blogspot.com
“Y’all niggas deal with emotions like bitches. What’s sad is I love you cuz you my brother…..”
Yeah, yeah I know….Nasir goes hard on Jay Z with that line….But, whenever I hear that line, it rings so true to me.
Over the past few months, my perception of men. Actually my perception of black men specifically (because they’re the ones I care about, #realtalk) has been altered a little….well….A LOT.
Ok, ok….before some stop reading, let me put this disclaimer out there:
“I LOVE MY BLACK WARRIORS. I GAVE LIFE TO A BLACK WARRIOR. I AM NOT TRYING TO BASH, DEMEAN, DEGRADE, DISRESPECT….BUT JUST LIKE MEN ACKNOWLEDGE OUR FLAWS AS BLACK WOMEN….IT IS VERY NECESSARY I ADDRESS THIS.”

Men these days….Excuse me, SOME men these days are acting REALLY FEMININE…..I mean the *side eye*, wtf, O_o type of feminine…..And this is REALLY starting to unnerve me!
Seriously, I’m starting to feel like I’m in some sort of parallel universe or Bizarro World. Where gender roles have been switched completely.
Dudes are wigging out over ended relationships. Doing things strictly for spite/revenge. Behaving like the stereotypical “woMAN scorned” instead of moving on. Leaving the women to wonder, “Damn! Was it that good to him? SHEESH!” LOL…just kidding/not really.
Then we have dudes being EXTREMELY over-sensitive these days. Like they’re the ones who are PMSing or MENopausal. You have to “tip-toe” around everything you say/do with them or they’ll jump all over you like a guilty cheating spouse who’s trying to blame you for their cheating ways.
Next, we have these “Wallona Woods” type dudes emerging. The “Rona Barretts of the projects” *James Evans’ voice* so to speak. These are the ones looking for, welcoming & spreading all the latest “dish”. Very seldom checking out stories & often naming false sources to make their story more believable. It’s no longer true at all that women gossip more than men. I’ve seen with my own eyes a dude come up with the…”Did you hear about?” Then I’ll say, “Naw, I didn’t & I really don’t want to know. That way no one can say I said anything.”….Then the dude next to me was like, “Well, tell me. What happened?” *smdh*
But, to me, what’s most egregious about these REALLY FEMININE dudes is when they’re so swift to scream…..”I’m a thug!”, “I’m a man!”, “I’m gangsta, gonna be gangsta til I die!”
But er ah….This is the one crying/screaming/throwing fits cuz the sista said she’s done. The one posting songs on YouTube, Facebook, Twitter to dis her. Telling his boys she’s a ho/trick/bitch…..Is she really now? Ummm, son….you was with that ho trick bitch for a minute with no complaints…..AND….it is ELEMENTARY pimp game, that when you telling a dude how freaky/nasty a chick is….What is he gonna do???? Let’s all say it together—–HE’S GONNA TELL HER WHAT YOU SAID AS HE TRIES TO HOLLA AT HER!!!! #duh
So now this “gangsta” dude is REALLY mad. Calling/texting her, her friends, family…freaking out cuz she’s not responding. Then the rumor spreads….She’s got a new dude. She upgraded BIG TIME & she’s cool…..Oh boy….here comes another virtual/cyber HISSY FIT!!! #buthe’sgangsta LMAO
Now, I would be remiss if I left this REALLY FEMININE dude out……..Let me start by saying, I do know that these reality shows are addictive. I tried, but I have to admit that the little TV I watch may involve one, two….ok THREE reality shows (I LOVE TI & TINY, LOL)…..but that’s cool, mainly because they’re geared to my demographic…..I can’t even trip if you’re a dude & you do become addicted to The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Basketball Wives, Love & Hip Hop, etc…..my issue is when you Facebook/Twitter beef about it!!!!! #comeonsons
Bottom Line??? I want out of this Matrix/Bizarro World!!! I want my strong MASCULINE brothers ALL BACK…..There are a lot still out there & maybe these other brothers aren’t realizing the errors of their ways. But, the ones exhibiting this type of behavior have women like me looking at you REALLY sideways…and that is NOT COOL!!! SO STOP IT!!!
If any of these actions/descriptions/scenarios seem familiar to you as something you do/have seen done and you’re offended by my opinion….I apologize if I struck a nerve….but NOT for what I’ve said.

I thank and appreciate all who will read. “Warrior keep fighting I know you’re there. Keep fighting warrior I know you’re there.” ~ Jill Scott….Peace

Published in: on January 23, 2012 at 12:58 PM  Comments (1)  

U R The One – Mos Def

When we met your face so brown
Ya ass so round, of course I’m so down
Wish I knew then what the fuck I know now
Couldn’t read the signs in the road: “SLOW DOWN!

Published in: on January 18, 2012 at 9:35 PM  Leave a Comment  

The Cousins – The Smartest & Sexiest Ladies On The Web


I find smart & beautiful black women so damn sexy. Especially if one them is my boss. It’s a good thing we don’t have a HR department at vizagemag.com. If you haven’t gotten a chance to check out “The Cousins” on LATALKLIVE.COM. You are really missing out. You can catch a live broadcast tonight @ 8:00PM (Pacific Time), 10:00PM (Central Time) & 11:00PM (Eastern Time).  Click on the links below to check out their sites. Enjoy your day. ~ K

http://LATALKLIVE.COM

http://www.facebook.com/THECOUSINSLIVE

http://TWITTER.COM/THECOUSINS

http://U-STREAM.TV

Published in: on January 16, 2012 at 6:28 PM  Leave a Comment  

Show Me the Catfax

One of my favorite people (Mika AKA “I Shank A N*gga and Make Him Apologize for Making Me Shank Him” Mims) reminded me to check out this video again. So, I was thinking..what if you could really see your woman’s Catfax? How many men would be able to deal with the truth?  Hmm? Because, as men we are encourage to sex it up with as many woman as can. But, when the table are turned, we become Hypocrites in our own beliefs.

Published in: on January 15, 2012 at 9:42 PM  Comments (1)  

MLK Day 2012 – I Have A Dream Speech (The Boondocks Edition)

Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream once. Then he looked out on his people and saw they were in great need. He did what all great leaders do. He told them the truth. This day is so bittersweet for me. Enjoy your day. ~ K

Published in: on January 15, 2012 at 6:32 PM  Leave a Comment  

Dumb Ass Music Video #2 ~ The Jailhouse Bounce

 

In 2012, I am hoping to for a much better year in music. But, we are to a bad start. Baby Jesus save us from this ignorance.

Published in: on January 8, 2012 at 12:03 PM  Leave a Comment  

Maybe, just maybe…..(makes a lot of sense) by Claudia Sandoval

This year I wanted to showcase some writings from other people. First up is Claudia Sandoval. I’ve known Claudia for a couple of years & I can never express how important Claudia is to me. When I woke up from my coma, the first card that was given to me to read was from Claudia & “The Little One”.  Every now & then I pull the prayer card and read it. Because it filled with so much love & hope. I love her for being there for me in my darkest hour. She is a true friend. Stop by and check out her site: http://lefabuleuxdestindclaudia.tumblr.com/. Enjoy ~ K

Maybe… we were supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe… when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, often times, we look so long at the closed door that we don’t even see the new one which has been opened for us.

Maybe… it is true that we don’t know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we don’t know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Maybe… the happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Maybe… the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can’t go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches.

Maybe… you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of, and want to do.

Maybe … there are moments in life when you miss someone — a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child — so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real, so that once they are around you appreciate them more.

Maybe… the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

Maybe… you should always try to put yourself in others’ shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.

Maybe… you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.

Maybe… giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don’t expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it doesn’t, be content that it grew in yours.

Maybe… happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the people who have touched their lives.

Maybe … you shouldn’t go for looks; they can deceive; don’t go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

Maybe… you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy

Maybe… you should try to live your life to the fullest because when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling but when you die, you can be the one who is smiling and everyone around you crying.

Maybe… God woke you up this morning for your life’s purpose today (and everyday) – to give Him praise in all you do, to bless someone else, and to lift up Jesus so that He may draw someone to Himself.

Maybe… you could send/give this message to those people who mean something to you, to those who have touched your life, to those who can and do make you smile when you really need it, to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down, and to all those whom you want to know that you appreciate them and their friendship. And maybe even to a perceived enemy!

 

Published in: on January 6, 2012 at 6:51 PM  Leave a Comment  

Happy New Year

New Year  is an wonderful occasion, when we welcome something new in our lives and at the same time, forget about all the bad memories, which the passing year gave us. Happy New Year. ~ Keith

Published in: on January 1, 2012 at 1:37 AM  Leave a Comment  
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